Transformations

 "We are the alchemists of our own transformations. The providers of the magic in our creation of moments and deeper awareness that may also be the alchemy of another who bears witness". cmh

After a yoga and meditation practice, the sweet notion came to me to crawl back into my bed with a steaming cup of hot tea, my pen, and my notebook in hand. The plan was to scratch down whatever popped up in my awareness today, which has become my practice these days with fewer opportunities to write, I grab a moment, get it down and release myself from the ownership of the words connected to thought.   For a moment I closed my eyes and nestled into the softness above, below, and surrounding me with a deep physical and mental release.  It was a delicious pause from my usual intentions in the morning and the rare gift of not having to be anywhere just yet with my companion for the morning taking an extra few minutes of sleep herself. With pen in hand and an array of thoughts paralyzing the movement of it toward the paper, I stared out of my bedroom window. The view landed on the largest and oldest maple tree.  The realization of its barren branches was a bit jarring since I had intended to watch the process unfold and now the tree was devoid of even a leaf.  This is the alchemy of the tree in Fall. We can't actually witness all of the leaves as they change and release and then suddenly the transformation is complete. The naked tree also transforms the space around, opening for a wider perspective of the entirety of the yard. I have always been in awe of the intelligence of trees to know when it is time to let go of their leaves and I  see them as the real alchemists of nature.

When I was six years old and attending  my first year of elementary school in Marysville, in a building that has now been transformed into a community center known as The Ville, I can remember being gathered in the library, to hear a story about Fall and then talk about how the leaves change color and eventually fall from the trees.  Seeing this more as magic than science, I paid closer attention than usual and when the teacher asked for a volunteer to share their understanding and summarize for our peers, I boldly offered. Coming from the shy girl who would rather become part of the inset bookshelves and remain invisible, the simple but eloquent words of my six-year-old self were nothing less than alchemy and if no one was paying close attention they would have missed this small step of my transformation out of my shell. 

Alchemy is defined as a seemingly magical process of transformation, or creation  Like the example of my backyard tree, there are so many times that transformations are significant, obvious, and maybe even life-changing and we can be left with jaw-dropping wonder about how this process occurred and our own explanation may be that there was some unexplained phenomenon that brought this about, a magic that we may have stopped believing in long ago. Most of the time personal transformations are more realistic like my experience in the library that day.  They are a result of the small steps taken, the practices we are dedicated to, the balance of input and output, effort, and ease. The process may be messy at times.  Often things break down or fall apart and then we gain a better understanding of how to create or transform something new and often better than before. Not all transformations for ourselves or the world we live in are creating new or better. Many currently are transformations that are taking us in the wrong direction, undoing progress or effective changes already made. Others are moving us away from growth and insight.   Contemplating alchemy and the process of our own transformation, the "seemingly magic" part of the process often gets lost for us and we miss the opportunity to celebrate where this journey has taken us.   The example of my own writing process is that I don't often witness the dedication and growth that comes just from picking up my pen,  and not from having a  consistent readership or encouragement but each time I write, seeking my own inner words of encouragement,  I become the alchemist of my personal transformation.  I am taking the lead,  as the true alchemist does,  which is my dedication to ordinary practices of creating, rest pauses, and  breath which becomes the matter that is accelerating all of our experiences of magic,  and turning it into the gold of growth. This growth fuels our light and healing like my small practice of pen to paper. Creating is always first and foremost for ourselves and for me a way to continue to acquaint myself with the woman and child inside.  Alchemy is created by and for us through all the steps that lead to transformation.  When we commit to a breath practice that we know transforms our anxiety into ease, not once but every time we need it.   When we practice combining the essential oils that somehow offer us relief from feelings of stress and come back to it over and over again. Whatever you have found that brings alchemy to your soul will be your transforming power.    Using what we know or what has been offered to us as science and a little magic,  to provide a shift in our physical, mental or emotional health, we are staying true to the alchemist within. 

Maybe you will find a moment this weekend where you too can honor all the steps you have taken, all the ways that you have transformed and grown and for a moment you will see how seemingly magic your own transformation continues to be and just like the naked tree, you will transform the space around you and open yourself to a wider perspective, to the entirety of your lived experience.

The Ripple Effect

"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into the water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects." Dalai Lama

As soon as I open my eyes and it registers that I am indeed at my parent's cottage on the beautiful North Lake, I anticipate getting in my kayak in the early morning stillness. Often with a companion but both quiet enough so as to not wake anyone else as we tiptoe about preparing to go.   Once we are on the lake, we marvel at the appropriateness of the term,  just like glass, as my mother often said with pride about her little spot of the water.  There is no movement and one can see themselves reflecting in the stillness.   As the first paddle dips in, a ripple is created in the smoothness. This ripple moves out away from the boat extending farther than the eye can see and back to a mirrored surface of calm.   When we are in the center of the lake, we stop paddling and sit savoring a warm drink.  The nearby loon creates the next ripple as she dips below the surface. When she emerges her haunting call ripples across the entire body of water to be answered by another loon just out of sight.  Missing this sweet refuge in the Fall of the year as this would be the time we would frequent it most, I enjoy savoring this experience  I would have had numerous times over the years.   Sitting with the memory and the sensorial recall of my body and mind, it felt like  I was actually there. Although the ocean is where my heart is happiest, the calm of freshwater spaces cannot be matched and each ripple created by myself or nature as we paddle about brings a quality of presence that can't be found in many other places.

The lake is not the only place I have witnessed the beauty and power of the ripple in memory or real-time recently.  I watched Hollywood Stargirl with my daughters and we fell in love with the sequel to our original love of Stargirl.   The ripples she creates, by just being, are highlighted and unpacked so authentically.   Whether it was the grumpy older man she befriended in her new apartment complex or the spark created between her and her love interest or the woman she admires for her past artistry as a singer that everyone else views in a negative light,  or how she holds space for her mom and the challenges of being a single parent trying to pursue her own dreams or the subsequent connection she makes with her love interest's brother who is in need of her charisma, empathy, and confidence to fulfill his passion of creating a film,  she admirably moves with grace, love, and mercy throughout the film embodying the ripple effect.   Unlike other films with a character coming of age, there is very little drama, and a lot of ease and you fall in love with this character who is so true to herself that she sends ripples throughout her community that have others rising up to meet her wherever she lands. The fictional plot is not the only part of this film that creates ripples. Perhaps the storyline and unprecedented theme are a result of the female director and her intention to bring a more real script to life rather than striving for a box office seller.   Setting in motion a ripple in the movie world where women can be represented with more honesty and movies can tell real stories from a female perspective and experience.

Ripples are what many of us would like to think we are creating in the world and with the people around us by being true to ourselves.   Is there someone in your life right now who you associate with creating a ripple effect for you?  Possibly yourself?    In my writing, I have been generous with words towards my spouse but I often forget about the importance of the power of this face-to-face.  A while back he discovered a new recipe for a delicious lentil stew that was such a big hit with everyone in the house that we began to request it on a weekly basis. Probably because of the comfort it brings to each person who eats it, tasting like a warm hug.  As with most things, he puts his love into whatever he creates.   This little ripple he has orchestrated to send love and care to us,  but Mark is also my best example of making positive ripples in my life and wherever he goes.  He too shows up as himself in every situation and I have witnessed the effect this has on others.  His genuine interest in knowing someone else and discussing thoughts on just about any issue with an openness of heart makes most exhale deeply around him.  There is no pretense, just all of his imperfect self.   I used to think he should hold back a bit and let others take the lead but I now realize that would just not be who he is and he can be so confident with the way he shows up in the world that others feel that permission to do the same.   I share this with you, not to inflate my spouse, although that is probably a good thing too at times,   to extend the examples of the power of the ripple in nature, art, and our own personal lives and connections.     

We aren't always fortunate enough to witness the ripples and their effect.  We can become frustrated in our workplace, in parenting our children, and orchestrating bigger changes in our communities with policies, practices, and ways of support and we forget the powerful presence we have when we just bring ourselves and our respect to every situation.  When we share our joy and our ease, when we bring a new perspective,  refuse to listen to the chatter, and disallow the opinions of others to fuel our personal experiences. All too often the ripples that we intentionally or unintentionally create leave others smothered by our anger, drenched in our anguish, steeped in our fear, or unprocessed feelings or experiences. We have probably all been ambushed by a coworker, family member, or stranger whose energy or way of handling a situation has rippled into our own and if we are not mindful, we carry this home to our families or onto our next interaction. At times we are also responsible for sending this infamous ripple.

So many meaningful and powerful ripples are created through artistic expression. Poetry, prose, musical lyrics, paintings, and theatre.  It brings to mind the ripple of the music as well from the beloved Hollywood Stargirl with her rendition of Brian Wilson's, Love and Mercy. Written thirty-four years ago and it is still sending ripples like the one to my heart and life with the compelling lyrics bringing to light our need for more love and mercy. As Grace sings in the movie. "I was lying in my room and the news came on TV, A lotta people out there hurtin', And it really scares me. Love and mercy, that's what you need tonight. So, love and mercy to you and your friends tonight." 

 In this world of cancel culture, where we are tempted to call out everyone's missteps and mistakes or use individuals as scapegoats often for collective deeper societal issues and structures,  we need to revisit dear Brian Wilson's impassioned message and begin or continue to send out all the love and mercy we can muster with our own presence so the ripples we create encourage others to do the same.  Then as our metaphorical paddle dips into our own mirror of calm, we will release our individual ripple that collectively may become  part of the wave needed to bring higher vibrations of energy for all of us.

   

Resilience

"Instead of dispensing energy, collect it until you feel full. Your resilience is not something you can cause, it's a state to call forth from the depths of your being." Elena Brower

 As I stood on the dock watching the array of colors arrive in the rainbow overhead, I marveled at the consistency of this color phenomenon.  It arrives, in the same way, each time, presenting the same seven colors with the same vibrancy as the last. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet, are the same colors we associate with the Chakras or meridians in the body. Root, Sacral, Solar Plexus, Heart, Throat, and Third Eye. Again this intermix of nature shows up with our environment and our being, holding so closely to the same rhythms.    I watched it become a complete arc and then fade to half before it left the sky completely.   We all know the symbolism behind the rainbow showing up after a storm as a sign of hope, sometimes strength, and definitely to solidify our faith in something greater than ourselves.   In the same way that when all of the meridians of the body align we witness our own strength, our ability to be hopeful, and our wonder in the divinity around and within us.    It was divine timing for me to witness the mystery of the rainbow.  I was away just for the night after a long stint with Covid.  It went through the entire house and had us looking after the one who had surrendered, before surrendering ourselves to the virus as well.   I was so grateful for the protection that the vaccines had provided, and amazed that we could all still feel so miserably ill for the length of time that we did.  It would seem that our energy would be the last thing to return and while we were still waiting and looking for a way to nourish that process along, we headed to our sweet spot near the ocean, to the dock and my rainbow. 

 I am always looking for the messages around me that help guide and build my relationship with resiliency.   Thinking about how non-resilient illness had made me feel, and seeing it as the dress rehearsal that it is for when the rug gets pulled out from under us over and over again if we are privileged enough to have a long life. Thinking too about the setbacks and spiraling of everyone who navigates the storms, inevitable losses, tragedies, and traumas that life presents, and wonder if our messages about resilience may be adding to the burden that others feel.  Most of us can sense or at least can't deny the general uneasiness of the world right now. So many of our systems, structures, ideologies and historical events have been challenged or transformed, and we are left wondering about truth.  It may only be my perspective but it feels like our familiar landing or take-off pad has been removed or just harder to reach to steady ourselves at times.  If this makes any sense to you, you may have given some thought to my next question which is how do we redefine resiliency to be inclusive of this experience of uncertainty in both present and future circumstances? It seems easy to get swallowed by it all and not be able to feel resilient in the way it is often presented.     Resiliency is referenced as our ability to bounce back after hardship or difficulty. How to react and respond appropriately when challenged. We judge ourselves as being resilient or not based on whether we think we responded or reacted appropriately in situations and often feel shame or guilt about our inability to mask or control our natural responses to hardship. 

I wonder about my rainbow and where it was until it showed up to my privileged eye.  When you spend most of your life with children, it is difficult not to think like one,  so I was embellishing the idea of the rainbow dropping out, giving in, surrendering to something, and then when it is ready and feeling like it has the energy and right circumstance, it begins again, coming forward with the same tenacity and intensity of colors as before, demonstrating true resilience.    Although minor illness is something with a beginning and ending, it aids in understanding how we maneuver through challenges that knock us down, knock the wind out of us or make us question situations and circumstances.    We all start off knowing that illness is coming, aches and pains, and obvious shifts in mood, energy, and sleep patterns. We start to resist these signs and do our natural remedies, change what we consume, and adjust our sleep patterns in hopes of not being taken down by the illness.   Very quickly we realize when chills, fevers, nausea, and persistent coughs begin that our resistance is futile and that we will need to surrender, not to give up but to actually heal. In this case,  surrendering means nourishing ourselves, coming full stop, and allowing rest and sleep to dominate.   This exemplifies what real resilience looks like to me.  Listening to our bodies, respecting our emotions, and having compassion for our actions and reactions to hardship.  It is not about the bouncing back. I actually have never bounced back from anything but rather tiptoed, lingered, meandered, and sometimes even crawled back from any number of setbacks in life.  I wonder if this makes me any less resilient than someone who powers through, and fights their body or spirit through an illness, grief, loss, changes, or tragedy?  Telling ourselves or others, even inadvertently, that to be resilient, you must gain control, manage or deny our natural rhythms is a travesty. The message of resiliency needs to be offered as I recently heard it referred to as flowing with the natural process of letting go, surrendering to and acknowledging, and then when and only when we have given ourselves this time our own body, mind, and spirit needs to process and heal can we begin again.  Maybe with a slight pivot in direction, in the understanding of ourselves,  in healing actions, thoughts or words. Possibly with a clearer perspective,  apologies or next-right practices.   We cannot give a timeline to our own or someone else's bouncing back, moving on,  letting go,  that makes us comfortable, and expect that if this is not met then there is no resiliency. A resilient person can and does respond inappropriately to other's standards at times, we are all just a myriad of our own experiences reflecting back at us.  Even if we have done the work, the preventative practices, and filled our cups, life happens. The difference is that we take the time to acknowledge and compassionately embrace this learning for ourselves.  Life can plow us under, catch our breath, and rattle our resolve, but resilience is what we have inside that reveals when the best we can do right now may be nothing.    When we can allow ourselves the time with the feelings, and the enormity of the circumstance. When we can rest at the bottom after we have allowed ourselves to fall.   Resilience is knowing what is right for our timeline,  to let the universe tell us to stop and in the same way, we honor the good moments of life with ritual and resolve, celebration and ceremony, we find ways to do the same for our losses and uncertainties, setbacks and hardships.

Mostly we don't know and sometimes we think we do and that makes things complicated for us and others because thinking we know what works for anyone other than ourselves and even that is a series of trials and mishaps, is where the echo of resiliency becomes the burden.  If we are here, if we are witnessing, gathering ourselves, refilling, refueling after the drop to our knees or our collapse under the weight, we are resilient.  Just like other colors, beyond the seven we see of the rainbow, are there, so too is our resiliency, even if we don't see it at times or it doesn't look the way we thought it would.  Like the rainbow, we reemerge carrying with us all of the mystery, hope, and humanity we continue to excavate from within the depths of our humanness and our skill in surrendering to the inevitable and very human, falls. Indeed the rainbow is the promise. The promise we will find our colors in our own way and on our own time and we will share them along with the mystery of our continued resilience.

Support

"And some days I forget what it is to be gentle with myself- how to look at myself with kind eyes and speak to myself with soft words. Forget that I am my home and a temple worthy of worship". Becca Lee. 

Being drawn outside just after dusk by the warm breeze on one of the few remaining nights of summer, I was reminded how much I love the gentle wind. It has a mystical quality for me and a  presence that could only come from knowing her power and the support she offers all of the elements of the earth. The wind makes things come alive and creates an orchestra of rustling leaves. Its gentle contact with everything it touches feels like support, a way of helping to clear away what is no longer needed and awaken the senses of all living things to do the same. It is like a whisper of assurance that it is clearing away the heavy.  The wind allows me to feel my edges and begin to soften them. As I stand there with my eyes closed, feeling the cleansing and clarifying effects, my senses are enlivened with a feeling of empowerment, and with that comes a confidence that I can give this same quality of support to myself.

In the early weeks of the new school year, we are learning all the ways that our students need to be supported and figuring out how we will put those supports in place. At the tender age of four or five, the supports they need vary and most of them are completely unaware of what they are.  Some need the support of routine and predictability. Others need the concrete support of help with getting coats and shoes on and off. Many need the support of a calming environment or presence.  There are those that require visual schedules and reassurance that they will see their loved ones soon. Again others need support finding the playground, turning on the tap, reaching the smart board,  making a friend, locating the gym, asking for help, or choosing an activity.  Whatever it may be, I have yet to have a student that didn't require some form of support even if it is just encouragement to try new things. This support offered is so crucial to their success in and out of school with one of the end goals being, having our students understand and be able to be a support to themselves as well.   The need for external support from a good connection probably never ends but it is like a recipe you use again and again because it supports you in creating the delicious cake each time. This is only one part of the process, you also have to be skilled in being able to carry out the necessary steps to be happy with the result.   We all need to be able to regulate and be mindful of what our mind or body needs for support. Only then can we find what that support will look like for us.  This is why the practice of mindfulness can be so powerful even at a young age. It can make a child understand how to self-regulate through big emotions, and use breathing techniques to support them through frustration or anxiety.  If we are going to be able to support young people in doing this for themselves then we also need to be able to support ourselves as well and model this in our interactions and our own lives. 

 Support is different than self-care as it is not equated with a monetary or material value or commodity. Like so many things that become a trend, there are messages everywhere telling us what we need to care for ourselves.    With support, we don't have to see it as something extra we need to do for ourselves like a practice of caring for something or offering ourselves things to improve or better our performance or lives.   Support is not a separate entity. When we talk about support, it is something we embody and it comes from our deep center, a place we access when we are still and listening in a different way.  We find what we need and that knowledge comes from listening deeply when our mind is balanced with our heart.  In this space, we learn how things feel and get digested by the body instead of our mind sending unknown or unfamiliar messages to the body from the mind. There is no upper case self that needs to be cared for. Support just needs our attention on all the ways we are already being held physically and emotionally beyond the expectations we may have of others or the ones we have of ourselves to provide that support to someone else.   The place we go in nature that makes us feel held, the words or affirmations we speak when faced with a challenge or difficult task when we walk away from an argument or a relationship. The support we give ourselves to be alright with an outcome. We support ourselves with good decisions, surround ourselves with people that feel good, bring calm or feel like a cheer squad.   We support ourselves when we give ourselves permission to cry, mess up, and get angry, when we show ourselves empathy and compassion and when we make room for connection that uplifts. Support is still having that glass of water we need or the long walk after work but not because we are told it is good for us but because we feel into ourselves and listen to what our own body or mind needs.   Support looks like love and acceptance of ourselves too not just others.  It is showing up for ourselves on all the days,  supporting with breath, movement, routines, rituals, celebration, and ceremony.  We support our own healing and growth with intention and practice.  Our support system is our way to help ourselves thrive and the people who are thriving are those who have and are continually creating supports for themselves by just asking the simple question, how can I support myself today, at this moment? What do I need to be supported in my work, and my relationships, and how can I offer this to myself right now?  This small act creates people capable of not only supporting themselves but also those around them.  When we don't know what we need to be supported or look to others to do it all for us, we abandon ourselves. It can start as a small chipping away at our own systems of support when we don't listen to what our bodies need, how we need to express ourselves or show up, knowing what boundaries we need and who we need in our lives to feel supported.  

When we begin the journey of offering support to ourselves for the first time,  we can start with encouraging words or affirmations, start by trusting ourselves, and notice what lifts us up or deflates us. We can incorporate gratitude for the existing things we are already doing that support us like the food we eat that is nourishing to the body, the soft pillow we place under our head for sleep, the healthy routines and connections we have already established, and the restorative practices that we may be able to begin to incorporate a little bit at a time.  then just like the small people in our lives, we can let go of the hand we may be holding that we think is our buoy and like the wind, levy our own power to keep supporting ourselves in what this moment is asking of us now.  

Choosing A Direction

 

“Let the path become where I choose to walk, and not otherwise established." Mary Oliver

I was fourteen years old and visiting New York City for the first time. This day was the tour of the Statue of Liberty.  I started up the stairs in single file with my friends in front and behind and a thousand other tourists following suit.  In the beginning, I was able to see the top of the statue above and the skyline all around but as the stairs narrowed and I headed closer to the top enclosure, I looked back to only see a sea of faces blocking my view of where I had come. When I looked toward the viewing station and the head of the statue, I could only see the people waiting in front. The realization of being stuck in this blind spot settled over me and I filled with panic.  This meant heart racing, breath becoming short and rapid, and thoughts of being trapped escalating.   Forgetting those I had come with or the swarms of people enclosing me,  I began creating a commotion as I started to change directions and move back down the stairs. Being five foot three inches tall, I said excuse me and sorry to the armpits of most that I maneuvered clumsily past.  It felt like I was outside of my body and I don't actually remember reaching the bottom or how long it took for me to come back into it.  I just remember the challenge of changing direction, of being stuck and feeling panicked in this perceived blind spot created by the endless stream of bodies in front and behind and feeling swept into moving forward. This experience could have been chalked up to the realization  I was claustrophobic, and experiencing what a panic attack was but looking back there was also the understanding that at that moment I was stuck in the thought that there were no options after choosing to follow this narrowing path and all opportunities to choose differently were swallowed into the limiting choice I had made of following this focused stairway.

Preparing to get in my kayak recently and launch off into the Nashwaak river, I noticed a large dragonfly that had made itself comfortable on the front of my boat and did not seem phased by the jostling about I was creating by stepping inside.  I was in no hurry so sat and watched this ancient creature that has outlived dinosaurs, studying the details of its delicate double wings and the intricate design of each. This tiny creature has always been a favorite of mine. To me more endearing than the butterfly.  I think if having a spirit animal is a thing, mine would definitely be this winged wonder. The dragonfly is immersed in symbolism.  All around the world, there is agreement that the dragonfly symbolizes transformation and adaptability. It can be seen as a  reminder to shed more light and joy in your life.  If the symbolism is not enough for you too to be in awe of this angelic creature, the fact that dragonflies have nearly three hundred and sixty-degree vision with only one tiny blind spot, directly behind their head or the fact that they can fly in any direction, is sure to catch your attention. Their resilience comes from their ability to choose a direction to fly; back, forward, down, up, left, and right, all the while reaping the reward of finding their prey or the opportunity of nourishment all around them, regardless of which direction they head. The physiological blind spot they have is the place in the visual field that corresponds to the lack of light-detecting photoreceptor cells on the optic disc of the retina.  As a consequence of having no cells detecting light, the corresponding part of the field is invisible. Having a  blind spot, a field not visible to us can impede our ability to see an opportunity or the advantage of choosing a direction to  begin to follow and as a result, the other paths that may converge here but for the dragonfly, this is such a small field of darkness,  it seems inconsequential to their thriving. 

After many conversations with my daughter this week discussing fears and apprehension about choosing the direction or path of the university degree she is working towards, and her thought that she may be limiting her options by engaging in such a focused program, possibly missing out on exploring other passions and maybe, as a result, leaving behind opportunity with one wrong choice, I recognized this narrative as such a common one that people often get drowned in. It can flow into many of the directions and paths we take in life and does not only pertain to choosing a career.   In wanting to be honest with Grace and myself, I reflected on my own experiences of moving in new directions, narrowing my focus of learning on my own path of choosing to become a  teacher.   When   I finished my bachelor of arts degree and started working as a support worker for a non-profit in Fredericton, I was enjoying working with young people and supporting them in difficult situations,  but it became clear that this was not somewhere that I was thriving so I decided to go back to school.  Education seemed like the most relatable field to what my experiences had been working so I chose to enroll in this program. I could have curated the narrative that I chose to be an educator because my grandmother was also a teacher, as she was,  that my passion for this career path was unshakeable and I had no doubts or reservations but this would have been untrue. I have not known many, myself included, who chose a path that worked for them with doubt-free conviction, and when they chose that path that did not mean that this was the end of opportunity but rather it was the step that led to making space for many more, as was the case for me. If I had not chosen to become a teacher, I may not have explored all of my own creative outlets.  It is quite possible that I would not have been led to become a yoga practitioner and instructor which has helped me live with more ease and resilience. I know I would not have been as equipped for my unique path as a parent or been afforded the flexibility with my work-life balance. There will be so many opportunities to use our gifts to serve, grow, and transform in this long life, and not all will pertain to our career.  But for those that do, it is important to consider that for some a career path starts as a passion and helps us create a life, for others the direction we choose starts us on a path of creating a life full of passion. Both begin with choosing a direction and are not limited by the narrowing of focus. Each direction may work and when they don't we can climb down without apology, find our way back into embodying ourselves, and like the dragonfly, adapt, transform, choose another direction to take flight that will nourish our life-giving force and minimize the blind spot that may be dimming our light and making the fields of opportunity invisible to us. Maybe then, our own path can also serve as a reminder to others that the right direction for each of us is one that leads us to the discovery of our light and helps us to embody the joy that lives there.   

Listening

 "You see pain with your eyes, but you sympathize with your ears. Sometimes the greatest way to serve someone is just by listening. Behind every need is a story"  Rick Warren

I could hear singing coming from Maya's room a few moments after hearing her doing her nightly goodnight to the caricature of her favorite Educational Assistant and friend on the wall as she lay in her bed.   As I was brushing my teeth, the song she was singing registered as a result of a familiar chorus," Que sera sera",  lyrics that she has used many times before in a patterned script as her neurodiverse self often does when she really likes a song, dialogue or is working through a feeling or thought that fits with the words.  No sooner had the lyric clicked for me, than she was asking me to join in a duet and so we sang, "When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's was she said to me, Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, Que sera sera." I stayed in the bathroom as we sang, and the lyrics seemed to split easefully between us as I did one part and when I paused she finished the line.  She was giggling throughout and then when her part started to fade, I stopped singing.  I thought I had been listening to her, engaging as she had asked and I  felt good about the moment we shared but it wasn't until she was asleep that I really heard her and what she was actually saying to me if I was really listening.

The Kindergarten year begins in a few short days and as I sifted through what to take with me from years past, things that worked or saw success and things I would leave behind because they either don't make sense anymore or they are tired and don't fit with new philosophies or my own growth as an educator, I was thinking about the concept of whole body listening.   This has been a staple that I have modeled and mentored for many years.  Listening with not only our ears but all of our bodies and senses.  Talking to them about what a listener might look or sound like.  We practice little moments of listening as moving, playing, and socializing are the majority of the skills most needed for our tasks but in those moments of practice, listening gains more collateral with them. They start to see how it makes them feel when someone is whole body listening as they share their show and tell when they offer news about their weekend or their night at home, what made them sad, or happy, or their problem on the playground,  or at the coat rack. When they were proud of the items in their lunch box or just needed to request a hug or a band-aid for their bug bite.  Some even begin to feel empowered to point out when they don't feel someone in the group is listening and they tell them to put their eyes on them or they may say they will wait until one of their classmates stops talking before they share. 

I feel like I have been working on my own listening skills over many years, clearing my own thoughts, and opening my heart and my mind over and over again. Listening to others to learn from them on podcasts and other platforms, asking difficult questions, and listening to heartfelt responses,  and somehow it makes sense that I will be continuing to do so as long as I am a living breathing social being.   Listening is such a complex skill that we all need and yet only we know if we are really able to hear what is being communicated to us.  Sometimes the message is the words spoken, sometimes the message lies behind the words. Sometimes we listen to a message that is difficult to hear but has something to teach us about ourselves. Maybe just in our reaction to the message.  Other times the words are sending a message we need to hear but are not ready for just yet. We often listen to respond to others.  Sometimes the message we need to hear is our own.  We need to listen to our bodies and our hearts.  This kind of listening may help us with an underlying message.  If our bodies are sick, we may need to hear that we are too stressed, or the food we are eating is not nourishing us.  If our hearts are heavy, we may need to hear the grief we have been ignoring or the anger that is lingering from unresolved conflict.    In most cases, listening is beyond the words or phrases being said by others or ourselves.

In the past weeks, I have noticed myself wanting to be listened to. I have wanted to share ideas and solutions I have to recent difficulties and see if they resonate or make sense. I have wanted to voice my concern for injustices and ways others are being excluded or need to be included.  I have wanted to suggest a different way forward or ask for help in realizing a solution to a bigger problem. All of these things related to my own personal life and experiences but realizing for this to happen I needed to risk not being heard and maybe just being alright with formulating and hearing aloud my own needs as words being strung together, spoken or written.  With some, I have chosen carefully what to say and the wording for clarity. With others, I have shared and bared it all with lots of emotion and urgency. And still more, I was calculating what to write or say and who I hoped would hear my message. I can say that with the responses I received I felt very heard.  One dear friend sat across the table from me and didn't move a muscle in her body. Her eyes were on me the entire time and she didn't try to interject or relate to what I was telling her. She was just open-hearted and listened.  Another, humbled me with the time, care, and respect she formulated with her written response to my long convoluted email. Her words were like butter dripping over popcorn and soaking me in the buttery goodness of her sweet soul's intention to make me feel heard and understood.  Another, was very direct and inquisitive, from a person in a position to make a  difference, and a meeting was arranged to talk about needs, solutions, and desires to clarify how they could help.  And still, another, allowed me to essentially rant across the phone lines and then thanked me for offering her insight into the situation I painted with my big brush.   It made me curious as to what I was afraid of in relation to asking for help in the ways I was needing.  Many of us are those do-it-yourselfers who see asking to be heard or listened to as saying I can't do it alone and this makes me flawed somehow and maybe this is not the message we want others to hear.  I can say from repeated experience,  that what others actually hear, is your willingness to ask for what you need,  you valuing what you have to say enough to not to be inhibited by how others may receive your words, and in this, they see you as one of the people brave enough to communicate the core of you, your truth and they will not only listen to you but will offer you the privilege of this same connection by asking you to listen and hear them as well.

Maya inviting me to sing the lyrics of "Que sera sera" a few nights ago was not random.  She had been witnessing and listening to my words, my body language, and my silence that day.  After she fell asleep that night, what I finally heard her saying in those lyrics meant for me, between and beyond them was this, "Mom, it's ok. You don't need to have this all figured out today, tonight, or ever.  We can't see the future, we can't control it, but we can accept that, "whatever will be will be".   

I am reminding myself to listen with the same passion with which I wish to be heard, in the words of Harriet Learner and as I start a new day tomorrow before I lift my head from my pillow, I will place my hands on my head, then my heart and my core and I will listen with compassion for what is meant to be heard and with this same compassion and patience, I will prepare to be open to hearing all that is being said by those around me and then this time, as my husband walks up the driveway after parking the car and Maya stands by the window watching and singing, "Here comes the sun, doo, doo, doo Here comes the sun and I say it's alright doo, doo doo. I will have the pleasure to hear the first time round, Dad is home, my sunshine, and my light and that makes everything alright" and I will smile to myself and to her and we will share in the joy of listening and being heard.

Transitions

 "I am breathing deep and finding peace in the in-betweens" -Morgan Harper Nichols

When he stepped down off the platform from the plane,  his feet landed on solid ground, and he walked briskly towards us, I could feel everyone's collective exhale. Mark's brother, Carl, was finally here in person after seven years of weekend calls, face times, and cards, we got to see his infectious smile and embrace him in a hug. My only task was to document the forty-eight hours he was with us. I started out strong, as one does with five photos at the airport and two or three back at our house as he curled into the sunshine on our back deck and made his way in for a swim.  As I prepared to send a couple of these photos to his family in Vancouver to assure them he had arrived safely, I had a bitter-sweet feeling in the pit of my stomach. Knowing that we would be sending him off now in a couple of sleeps to the next leg of his adventure, I was consciously aware of what a transition this was going to be.

This was only one of the many transitions that seemed to sandwich us all in the in-between.  As we all near the end of summer transition, holidays, possible work hour shifts and locations,  new schools and learning situations or transitional years to new careers, or in the case of our youngest daughter, the continued transition to what I have previously referred to as a transition to life.  This summer I gave myself the role of Captain of the transition ship. Hiring, planning, executing schedules, activities, summer camp opportunities, and learning.  It was a huge transition to learning new things for myself that came with a lot of failures and adjusting our sails in another direction.  Now the transitioning needed to be to something more concrete, structured, and overseen by the village, I had been encouraged to believe in for the past several years of schooling.  For a few weeks now, posting ads for a personal support worker, and approaching both the job training facilities in our area for options, we met many dead ends and roadblocks.  Realizing why this transition was bearing more weight was the reality that there was nothing to catch us on the other side of this leap. Maybe you too are in a transition with a similar feeling. 

A transition is defined as the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.  If this is true then a transition lands us between an ending and a beginning. It is a process that may require letting go of one place or thing to open space for a new destination or experience. This must also mean that possibilities live and breathe in transitions. Possibilities to uncover solutions, possibilities for growth, new ideas, and ways of seeing old routines and patterns. Possibilities for new approaches, changing directions, mindfulness, and expansion. Like the temporary tattoo I had recently been gifted, in the transition, we have the ability to try on a new scenario without fully committing to the direction or destination.  This had me contemplating that we are all experiencing or in the process of one transition or another and in which case how we approach this transition can open us to possibilities not yet considered and this is where our life is lived, in the space between real or imagined destinations.  

As the sun transitions further away from the earth right now, we begin to feel the effects of this process with cooling temperatures, changes in the color of the sky, and darkness moving in earlier. The sun going through this transition does not move back or cling to its last position or anticipate its next for the Fall/Winter seasons but just continues to change its axis tilt ever so slightly, each day that presents itself.  We too are transitioning at this time of year to schools,  schedules, seasons, and relationships. Some of us are even transitioning from one plane of consciousness, thought, or opinion to another.  

One place that continues to challenge me to more fully understand and become comfortable with transitions is my yoga practice.  We are often focused on our mat, on the next pose, our mind may begin to create stories about how challenging it may be or whether we will succeed or fail. These poses become the destination we are seeking like in life.  However, the real practice and benefit of yoga comes when we bring our attention to the process, the transitions. When we can see the transitions on or off the mat as the journey, we can see how each pose or life step we take or do not, supports the next pose or in life, the next destination.  Journeying with this presence brings awareness that it's not about the shapes we can make or where the next step takes us. The fluidity, flow, and movement that happens throughout are actually as important or more so. It has the power to actually change, or improve the destination with this kind of presence of mind.  If we are living in this middle space, the between, then we can create a space here for things to become part of a destination that others may not ever have had the courage to dream possible, remembering that possibilities get lost when we are only destination driven.   If we stay focused on destinations, we can risk being swallowed by the fear of them and the limitations of seeing them through the eyes of those who have transitioned here before.  I often think of the example of the "back to school" when I think of a transition and listening to experts discuss this previously, the idea of there being no "back to" anything when transitioning makes so much sense. There is only going towards something new and taking the present moments with new students and new eyes in possible new directions and towards new destinations.  Children's days are jammed with transitions and as adults, parents, and teachers, it is our role to model ease and presence within the changes for them.  As well as offering an understanding that we don't have to go back to rigid scheduling, activities that don't feel right, rushing and being destination driven.  We can stay longer in the in-betweens, model mindful movement throughout our days and create schedules that support, flow and question or even challenge where we are headed, what we did before, and why. We can check in with how everyone is feeling about moving on, and protect the energy here in the middle, in the present. This is where quality of life is created. 

Like a good book, we can rush through all of the chapters to arrive and see how it ends or we can devour each word, contemplate phrases, develop images of characters, and hang in the sweetness of this space as we move through. We know we will arrive at the end of the book but let's arrive with all of the elements, emotions, and energy of life we breathed into the story with the help of the author. 

As for my own transitions. Carl is gone now and we are lingering here until everyone is ready to move on.  We are stretching out the experience and the feels.  For my other transitions and maybe for your own we can repeat the mantra at the beginning of my writing today to let go gently of the destinations, those given but not supported. Maybe there is some part of the process you are in that needs you to hold out hope for an easeful transition and just maybe you will also be part of creating a destination maybe not yet imagined by someone else.  For now, let's linger here where the fullness of life is. Moving, flowing, breathing, and adjusting our axis like the sun, a little more each day.