Support

"And some days I forget what it is to be gentle with myself- how to look at myself with kind eyes and speak to myself with soft words. Forget that I am my home and a temple worthy of worship". Becca Lee. 

Being drawn outside just after dusk by the warm breeze on one of the few remaining nights of summer, I was reminded how much I love the gentle wind. It has a mystical quality for me and a  presence that could only come from knowing her power and the support she offers all of the elements of the earth. The wind makes things come alive and creates an orchestra of rustling leaves. Its gentle contact with everything it touches feels like support, a way of helping to clear away what is no longer needed and awaken the senses of all living things to do the same. It is like a whisper of assurance that it is clearing away the heavy.  The wind allows me to feel my edges and begin to soften them. As I stand there with my eyes closed, feeling the cleansing and clarifying effects, my senses are enlivened with a feeling of empowerment, and with that comes a confidence that I can give this same quality of support to myself.

In the early weeks of the new school year, we are learning all the ways that our students need to be supported and figuring out how we will put those supports in place. At the tender age of four or five, the supports they need vary and most of them are completely unaware of what they are.  Some need the support of routine and predictability. Others need the concrete support of help with getting coats and shoes on and off. Many need the support of a calming environment or presence.  There are those that require visual schedules and reassurance that they will see their loved ones soon. Again others need support finding the playground, turning on the tap, reaching the smart board,  making a friend, locating the gym, asking for help, or choosing an activity.  Whatever it may be, I have yet to have a student that didn't require some form of support even if it is just encouragement to try new things. This support offered is so crucial to their success in and out of school with one of the end goals being, having our students understand and be able to be a support to themselves as well.   The need for external support from a good connection probably never ends but it is like a recipe you use again and again because it supports you in creating the delicious cake each time. This is only one part of the process, you also have to be skilled in being able to carry out the necessary steps to be happy with the result.   We all need to be able to regulate and be mindful of what our mind or body needs for support. Only then can we find what that support will look like for us.  This is why the practice of mindfulness can be so powerful even at a young age. It can make a child understand how to self-regulate through big emotions, and use breathing techniques to support them through frustration or anxiety.  If we are going to be able to support young people in doing this for themselves then we also need to be able to support ourselves as well and model this in our interactions and our own lives. 

 Support is different than self-care as it is not equated with a monetary or material value or commodity. Like so many things that become a trend, there are messages everywhere telling us what we need to care for ourselves.    With support, we don't have to see it as something extra we need to do for ourselves like a practice of caring for something or offering ourselves things to improve or better our performance or lives.   Support is not a separate entity. When we talk about support, it is something we embody and it comes from our deep center, a place we access when we are still and listening in a different way.  We find what we need and that knowledge comes from listening deeply when our mind is balanced with our heart.  In this space, we learn how things feel and get digested by the body instead of our mind sending unknown or unfamiliar messages to the body from the mind. There is no upper case self that needs to be cared for. Support just needs our attention on all the ways we are already being held physically and emotionally beyond the expectations we may have of others or the ones we have of ourselves to provide that support to someone else.   The place we go in nature that makes us feel held, the words or affirmations we speak when faced with a challenge or difficult task when we walk away from an argument or a relationship. The support we give ourselves to be alright with an outcome. We support ourselves with good decisions, surround ourselves with people that feel good, bring calm or feel like a cheer squad.   We support ourselves when we give ourselves permission to cry, mess up, and get angry, when we show ourselves empathy and compassion and when we make room for connection that uplifts. Support is still having that glass of water we need or the long walk after work but not because we are told it is good for us but because we feel into ourselves and listen to what our own body or mind needs.   Support looks like love and acceptance of ourselves too not just others.  It is showing up for ourselves on all the days,  supporting with breath, movement, routines, rituals, celebration, and ceremony.  We support our own healing and growth with intention and practice.  Our support system is our way to help ourselves thrive and the people who are thriving are those who have and are continually creating supports for themselves by just asking the simple question, how can I support myself today, at this moment? What do I need to be supported in my work, and my relationships, and how can I offer this to myself right now?  This small act creates people capable of not only supporting themselves but also those around them.  When we don't know what we need to be supported or look to others to do it all for us, we abandon ourselves. It can start as a small chipping away at our own systems of support when we don't listen to what our bodies need, how we need to express ourselves or show up, knowing what boundaries we need and who we need in our lives to feel supported.  

When we begin the journey of offering support to ourselves for the first time,  we can start with encouraging words or affirmations, start by trusting ourselves, and notice what lifts us up or deflates us. We can incorporate gratitude for the existing things we are already doing that support us like the food we eat that is nourishing to the body, the soft pillow we place under our head for sleep, the healthy routines and connections we have already established, and the restorative practices that we may be able to begin to incorporate a little bit at a time.  then just like the small people in our lives, we can let go of the hand we may be holding that we think is our buoy and like the wind, levy our own power to keep supporting ourselves in what this moment is asking of us now.