Cycles

 "Life is a cycle of ends and starts". Mark Webber

When I drove up a familiar street in our small city this week, a memory of a taxidermy owl dressed in various festive outfits came to me. There was a small house with a windowed verandah on the right side of the street. Prominently sitting on the ledge facing the street, sat a stuffed owl for most of my childhood and beyond. The owners of the home would dress the owl for every occasion, holiday, or event that we cycled through during the year.  For me and many others, it became habitual to look to the right as you drove up the hill to see what the owl was wearing.  It was a comforting confirmation of where we were in the cycle of the month, season or year and if you missed any of the celebratory outfits, there was always next time.  I am quite sure that there was something written in local news or announced on the radio when the owl retired from the window or the family moved, I am not sure exactly but I can remember feeling disappointed that they would not be there anymore and I suspect I was not alone in this sentiment.  

My youngest daughter will be finishing her final year of participating in the public school system in a couple of short weeks.  She has been cycling through this system and the school year calendar for fourteen years which is longer than most. She already had her official graduation but was back at our local high school for a transitioning to life year where she participated in a co-op program to practice skills that may support her in becoming part of her community and the working world.  Even with her many challenges, she has always loved the school community and has clung tightly to the predictability of the cycles of the year. She has found comfort in knowing what comes next and that it will all unfold in the many stages and phases again on repeat.   Leaving this predicability will be a challenge for her as it will for many others.  

 Cycles can be a complete set or series of events. They can move in or follow a regularly repeated sequence.  It is not surprising that most of the man-made rhythms of life, like the school year, holidays, occasions, and ceremonies flow through a cycle or are cyclical in nature, when you think of all of the naturally occurring cycles in life,  The moon cycles through its many phases and affects the cycling of the tides as well.  The seasons move in a cycle and give us the new beginnings of Spring, the fullness and ripeness of Summer, the harvest and release of Fall, and the death, rest, and rejuvenation of Winter. Cycles in nature also give us a constant ongoing exchange of elements between air, earth, water, plants, and animals.  

Humans also have their cycles of emotions, grief, healing, and life itself.   Emotions arrive and run through their cycle in ninety seconds without the interference of thoughts.  Grief has no timeline but cycles through stages of shock or denial, anger, depression, detachment, dialogue,  bargaining, and acceptance.   Healing also has many stages we cycle through physically and mentally.  Many of the stages in both of these cycles we can remain in for some time and many we can cycle back to for the duration of our lifetime.  This is why they are referenced as cycles and circles indicating that we are meant to flow through and around and back again. The most prevalent cycle affecting all of us is our life cycle that we may be timid to think about. There are an average of one hundred and twenty people who die every minute and simultaneously in that minute, there are approximately two hundred and fifty babies born.  Death and then new life is a constant predictable cycle we are a part of whether we choose to keep it at the forefront of our minds or not.  

Before our ancestors used a calendar for plotting out time, I am sure beyond the seasons, they were using when birds were birthing their young when specific flowers were emerging,  or the arrival of food sources like specific varieties of berries.  Even now,  we watch for the tulips of April, the Mayflowers, lupins in June, strawberries in early July, raspberries in late, blueberries in early August, and sunflowers near the end.   These cyclical signs help us to notice what stage we are at, what is happening around us at these times, what growth we have been a part of, and give us a timeline for what comes next.    Cycles prepare us for the impermanence of life in a way that we can learn to detach from things and appreciate that they have a season, a time of fruition, and an end, that if we are lucky we will witness again and again. Cycles require adaptability.  Rather than getting caught in a fixed mindset that thinks that there will be an end to something that is uncomfortable at the time, like grief, we can recognize where we are with it and allow it to take its natural course. We can remember that we won't feel like this forever, and at the same time, it is the natural place for us to be in this moment. I think there can be comfort in knowing that we will move to the next phase in the cycle.  Just knowing what is to come next allows us to not try to bypass any necessary phase for growth or movement forward or flow.  

One of the most important cycles we go through that supports us in all the cycles of life is the cycle of self-love which we need to be a  part of this cycle for all of our life.   When we commit to a cycle of self-discovery, self-care, self-acceptance, and self-worth, we are cycling through the circle of self-love and this allows us to honor and accept where we are in all of life's cycles.  We can accept our anger cycle, our relationship cycles, our growth cycles as well as our cycles of thoughts, and habitual actions.  Most of all it allows us to accept and honor these in others without trying to hurry them through.  Thinking of how our own capacity for self-love affects ourselves and those around us, I am reminded of a passage from the book, "The Horse and Boy", "So you know all about me?   asked the boy "Yes" said the horse  "And you still love me?" "We love you all the more".  

As my daughter and so many more, move into a cycle that is less obvious and predictable and may be less preferred,  it is my hope that they can have the support they need to find their own rhythm and flow.  Where they can get up, show up, love big, stay open, listen and practice to learn, soften and surrender, rest and restore and repeat for as many days as they cycle through,  For all of us moving through the many cycles of life, may we let go a little more at every part of whatever cycle we are moving in and love ourselves into completion before we begin again.